How to Lie to Curators

Use this as a guide, a reflection or a caution. The distinction between them is yours to make.

1. A.Lie your way closer1–10
2. B.Lie as though you know11–21
3. C.Lie with certainty22–30
4. D.Lie into authorship31–40
5. E.Lie for the next invitation41–50
6. F.Lie into your reputation51–60
7. G.Lie as though the decision was yours61–70
8. H.Lie to one another71–80
9. I.Lie until memory agrees81–90
10. J.Lie until you believe yourself91–100

A. Lie your way closer

1. 1.Lie about knowing the artist.
2. 2.Lie about how well you know the artist.
3. 3.Lie about having been invited.
4. 4.Lie about the studio visit.
5. 5.Lie about having seen the work before everyone else.
6. 6.Lie about remembering the previous conversation.
7. 7.Lie about who introduced you.
8. 8.Lie so that a passing introduction begins to resemble familiarity.
9. 9.Lie about knowing the collector.
10. 10.Lie about the pronunciation. Say it without hesitation.

B. Lie as though you know

11. 11.Lie about how much you don’t know.
12. 12.Lie about having read the catalogue essay.
13. 13.Lie about having seen the exhibition you are discussing.
14. 14.Lie about how long you have followed the practice.
15. 15.Lie about the book you have not finished.
16. 16.Lie with a reference you only half remember.
17. 17.Lie about having known the historical precedent all along.
18. 18.Lie by saying the research led you there when you had already formed the opinion.
19. 19.Lie about how many other curators agree with you.
20. 20.Lie with certainty when what you have is instinct.
21. 21.Lie by calling somebody else’s certainty your instinct.

C. Lie with certainty

22. 22.Lie about your first impression.
23. 23.Lie about having always liked the work.
24. 24.Lie about having disliked it before everyone else did.
25. 25.Lie about being moved when indifference would require more explanation.
26. 26.Lie about being unsettled when saying you liked it sounds too simple.
27. 27.Lie about finding the work difficult when that is what everyone expects you to say.
28. 28.Lie by calling it quiet when it is simply underfunded.
29. 29.Lie by calling it risky when nothing is at risk.
30. 30.Lie about bad art until you know whether the senior curator thinks it is good. Lie accordingly.

D. Lie into authorship

31. 31.Lie about when the idea first occurred to you.
32. 32.Lie about where the concept came from.
33. 33.Lie about the conversation that changed your thinking.
34. 34.Lie about which part of the thought was already yours.
35. 35.Lie with a citation that arrived after the argument.
36. 36.Lie by giving your instinct a framework after the fact.
37. 37.Lie by calling coincidence part of the method.
38. 38.Lie about how long you have held the opinion.
39. 39.Lie by calling a change of mind refinement.
40. 40.Lie about where the concept began when the later version makes a better story.

E. Lie for the next invitation

41. 41.Lie about how little you need the job.
42. 42.Lie about your availability. Never answer too quickly.
43. 43.Lie about how busy you are when another curator asks.
44. 44.Lie about the other conversation you are supposedly having.
45. 45.Lie about how well you know the director.
46. 46.Lie about how interested the institution already is.
47. 47.Lie about being ready for a project larger than anything you have done before.
48. 48.Lie by treating something similar as something you have already done.
49. 49.Lie calmly enough that nobody sees how much you want it.
50. 50.Lie about how little it matters when somebody else gets the job.

F. Lie into your reputation

51. 51.Lie by accepting “rigorous” before you have fully earned it.
52. 52.Lie by accepting that you “have an eye” before there is much evidence.
53. 53.Lie by accepting the reputation another curator gives you.
54. 54.Lie with their confidence in you before you have enough of your own.
55. 55.Lie by treating the next invitation as proof that the previous one was deserved.
56. 56.Lie by repeating someone else’s description of you as though it were biography.
57. 57.Lie with a reputation you have not yet fully earned.
58. 58.Lie with the reputation, then use the opportunity to earn it.
59. 59.Lie as though the exaggeration is already accurate. Then catch up.
60. 60.Lie about the exaggeration having been one.

G. Lie as though the decision was yours

61. 61.Lie about how much of the decision was yours.
62. 62.Lie about the artist you inherited.
63. 63.Lie about the artist the director wanted.
64. 64.Lie about the compromise you could not refuse.
65. 65.Lie about what you would have chosen without the institution.
66. 66.Lie by presenting a budget cut as a curatorial choice.
67. 67.Lie by presenting what the schedule forced as something you had intended.
68. 68.Lie about consensus when somebody simply stopped objecting.
69. 69.Lie in the first person when the committee’s decision succeeds.
70. 70.Lie in the second person when it does not.

H. Lie to one another

71. 71.Lie to the senior curator about how much you learnt from them.
72. 72.Lie to the junior curator about how certain you were at their age.
73. 73.Lie to your peer about not competing with them.
74. 74.Lie to the curator you admire about how little their opinion matters.
75. 75.Lie to the curator you dislike about respecting their judgement.
76. 76.Lie about whose side you are on.
77. 77.Lie about being neutral while neutrality still serves you.
78. 78.Lie by changing sides slowly enough for it to resemble reconsideration.
79. 79.Lie when repeating what another curator said. Improve the sentence slightly.
80. 80.Lie to the next curator about never doing any of this.

I. Lie until memory agrees

81. 81.Lie about when you first encountered the work so coincidence resembles foresight.
82. 82.Lie about having understood it from the beginning.
83. 83.Lie about why you said yes.
84. 84.Lie about why you said no.
85. 85.Lie about the decision you nearly made instead.
86. 86.Lie about the advice you ignored.
87. 87.Lie about the advice you followed.
88. 88.Lie by remembering only the version of the conversation that still serves you.
89. 89.Lie often enough that another curator begins remembering the same version.
90. 90.Lie until the catalogue remembers it for both of you.

J. Lie until you believe yourself

91. 91.Lie about your own criteria.
92. 92.Lie about where judgement ends and preference begins.
93. 93.Lie about having been confident from the beginning once everyone else believes you were.
94. 94.Lie about how often you compare yourself with other curators.
95. 95.Lie about whose approval still matters.
96. 96.Lie until you no longer feel like an impostor.
97. 97.Lie as though the authority you once performed had always been yours.
98. 98.Lie about which of these lies you recognised immediately.
99. 99.Lie about which ones took longer.
100. 100.Lie about whether this is instruction or accusation.

Disclaimer

How to Lie to Curators is a work of criticism. It examines professional habits, pressures and forms of conduct without endorsing deception, harm or improper influence. The situations and behaviours described are presented in general terms. Nothing in the series is intended as an allegation against any identifiable person or institution.